i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
