It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
smell my finger.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
