just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
