I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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