Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
