Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
