we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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