I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
my poor anus
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
