Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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