im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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