BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's get the cat blown out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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