i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
