R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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