Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
