so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
