I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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