He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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