She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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