Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
