I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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