where am i from again
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
