I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
