It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
