My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
