My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
