I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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