all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
