Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
