Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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