Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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