i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
