Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
