Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
