I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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