He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
