the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
