I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
