i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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