so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bring me that man meat
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm always down for nudity.
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