Don't you send me to vm
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
