loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
