I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
