I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
