This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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