Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
