At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
