why do cheetos always look like penises
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
