I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
