What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
