the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
