can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
