You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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