It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
