Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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